Thursday, January 12, 2006

The Longest Night Ever....

The evening started off well, with James cooking us a wonderful dinner of pancakes and eggs. I LOVE having breakfast for dinner every once in awhile. The 3 of us enjoyed sitting down together, talking about our days... just enjoyed each others company.
Not long after dinner, it was time to get Kaitlyn ready for bed. For the past few weeks, it has been the biggest struggle putting her to bed. She has always been a good sleeper - since she was a baby. All of a sudden, she turns 2 and forgets how to fall asleep on her own. When we moved her into her big girl bed she still did okay going to sleep on her own, but she would come into our room sometime in the middle of the night. We thought this was a phase... she would stop doing it eventually... it really didn't bother us, etc. Well, this has continued for months now. And for the past 3 weeks she will not go to sleep unless someone is in the room (preferably in her bed) with her. Warning! Pushover Parents alert! Warning! "Sure honey bunches of oats, we would LOVE to spend 2 hours laying with you until you fall asleep!" Idiots.

So, yesterday I decided to end it all - let her cry and cry and cry, but the girl needs to go to sleep on her own. This can not go on. So.. here is a rundown of our night:

7:30PM - bathtime.

7:45PM- She wanted me to play with her dollhouse with her instead of watching a video. NO problem. I let her know that I would play with her for a few minutes - then we would read books and go to bed.

8:00- Read 2 books (with a fight because she thought she was still getting to watch a video)

8:25- left her in her room after saying our prayers, I love you, Goodnight.. Started crying almost immediately

8:30-She stopped crying, but she is up out of her bed putting on a pair of her jeans.

8:45- Begins putting pieces from her dollhouse into one of her rainboots.

9:00- I make the decision to go in her room and put her back in her bed.... starts crying

9:10- Gets out of bed to get her bible and looks at it for awhile.

9:15- James and I hear a few chords being played on her piano.

9:30PM- I go back in to check on her because it sounds like the walls of Jericho came crashing down... put her back in bed.. more crying

9:40PM- Starts reading her bible again.

9:50PM- We hear her Rudolph stuffed animal start singing.

10:00PM- Go in her room to find her with no pajamas on, no socks on - sitting in a half-daze in front of her doll house. Put her back in bed (4th time), left her crying for her Daddy with her eyes closed... this HAS to end soon...

10:20PM- ASLEEP!!! For how long....

12:45AM- She comes into our room, and James carries her back to bed

1:35AM- She comes back into our room, and I carry her back to bed

2:00AM- Back into our room.. I take her back again.. she starts crying VERY hard.

2:45AM- Who is crying harder, Kaitlyn or Leslie?

3:00AM- Still screaming her head off saying she is scared, monsters are going to get her, she doesn't like the water heater, her tummy hurts, her bottom hurts, she has 2 boo-boo's.....

3:30AM - Has not let up yet... I am about to go insane. By this time I am wondering how long do I do this? All night long? Should I go lay with her until she goes to sleep? Right as I go in there, she is at the door, so I just pick her up. She has never held on to me so tight in her life. I carry her to our bed and she is asleep in about 30 seconds.

What have I done? This is so hard. We tried a reward system sometime in there - but that didn't last long at all.

Needless to say, I will struggle all day with keeping my eyes open.

Any suggestions for what to try tonight? James will be out of town, so I'm all on my own.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Any suggestions? Yeh, you can drop her off at your neighbor's house who were up three times last night with sick children and wet beds. At least somebody will get some sleep! Here are some ideas that work and have worked for us. Sometimes they work for a couple of weeks and then we have to try something new.
*After you put her to bed, put your self in timeout behind a locked door and don't come out until you here quiet (i.e., don't check on her). Children are smarter than we give them credit for. Her crying and noise might be part of a game.
*Use negative or positive reinforcement. If you go to sleep we'll go to the zoo tomorrow or jump on Kelly's trampoline. Or If you do not go to sleep we will not go to the zoo.
*There were nights we let one our children sleep in bed with us. With all three of ours, I can't recall a pattern developing.
*If the child says there are monsters in the room, play along and rid the room of monsters with an imaginary monsters-be-gone spray or gun. Have fun with it!
*Most of all, try to relax yourself and try not to get infected with Caitlin's anxiety. Such moments are opportunities for mommy and daddy to learn to soothe themselves and their own anxiety.
I hope these help. For more ideas (and consolation)come on over.
Hang in there. You and James are terrific parents. Like momma said "there will be days like this."

Shanta said...

Poor Leslie! I am so sorry. Wow, your house sounds like one of the episodes of one of my favorite shows, "Nanny 911."

In that show, the mommy kept laying in the bed with the little boy, and soon he refused to go to bed on his own and would always crawl in bed w/ M&D in the night. The Nanny scolded the "Mum" (she's British, you know) and said to just let him cry it out.

Cool strategy she taught the Mum: After books and kisses, Mum is to turn off lights and put kid to bed and then sit on the floor next to the bed for a few minutes, just so he'd know she was still there- but not looking at the kid. After 20 minutes, she scoots closer to the door, still sitting on the floor. 20 more minutes, another few feet closer to the door. (by the way- not ever looking at the child, just being there) Finally, she sits in the door frame of the bedroom and the hallway. The kid is crying the WHOLE time (which was 2-3 hours), and the mom is teary as well, but is hanging on to see if the experiement works. The kid is even standing up in bed at one point, but mom is just sitting still by the door-not going anywhere- but not giving into the attention that is being demanded. Finally, and I do mean finally, the kid gives up and goes to sleep. The next night it only took 45 minutes to replay the whole scenario. The next night, 30.. I thought it was fascinating!

The other thing that the Nanny said to the mom was to not let her listen to music or videos before bed b/c it was overstimulating- which I thought was interesting b/c I always thought it would be soothing or something. So, not knowing ANYTHING about having kids myself, I thought that was a great show nonetheless. Child behavior is so interesting. Let us know what you figure out. You're doing a GREAT job! Hang in there MUM!

Sam said...

It was my turn to laugh hard. I thought I had a rough night. Emille worked the night shift at the hospital last night. Bailey went straight to bed but Brylee, who took a bottle well for the first 3 months of her life, went three weeks without having to take one over the holidays, now starts crying whenever she sees a bottle. It wa a rough night because she was hungry and my "feeding equipment" doesn't work so all I have to offer is a bottle.

As far as sleep goes, When Bailey made the switch to the big bed we put up a bed railing and treated it like she was still in the crib. We lift her over it every night and every morning. She knows that she is not to get out of the bed herself because "that is not her job." Obviously it is a little late to try that with sweet Kaitlyn so I would try using a dog bark collar, she will learn fast not to make any noise(kidding). I am sorry that you had a rough night. Just know that I sympathize, I slept from 0245 to 0530 last night. Although I guess that they already think I look at personal stuff while working, how much worse would it be if I took a nap under my desk?

Erica said...

I am so proud of you for trying to stop the nightly ritual! You just have to remember the pattern took longer than a day to form so it will take longer than a day to break.(unfortunately for you and James) I would just say keep being consistent. Kaylee takes a flashlight and books to bed and knows not to get up. This way we both feel in control and get what we want...I get uninterrupted sleep and she get to think she has a little control as to when she goes to sleep. We also play a CD for her during the night which seems to help. Good luck and stay strong!!!

Becky Martin said...

Man, and I thought I was tired...you win! I have no advice on sweet kiddos (if you need to know about taming cats that's my speciality) but good luck working it out, I know you'll figure it out!

Amber Smith said...

Poor Leslie! I am so so sorry! It is so frustrating to have a child with sleep issues. When Mary Alice was about the same age, we had issues VERY similar to yours. (Hers was when we made the switch to the big girl bed, though). I found it very hard because none of my friends' kids had these same problems and it seemed like I got conflicting advice from everyone. My mom' advice was "just lay down with her every night". It won't last forever. Apparently, that was what my mom did with us. Like you guys, I tried that for a few months. I felt so sorry for her, like she really must need me to be acting like that or something. Josh finally put an end to it. He told me that we would not be laying beside her every night ANY MORE! I knew he was right, so we ended it then. We made up a rule that she had to start the night out in her own bed. We punished her for getting out of bed (not something that we enjoyed doing, but felt that she should know that we expected obedience from her-all the way, right away, and with a happy heart). We explained that she was expected to stay in her bed. We made it clear what the consequences would be if she disobeyed us. Like Shanta's advice, we sat in the room with her (without looking at her) and crept our way out. Who knew that that would be what Nanny 911's advice would be also? Like I've told you before, we had a pallet beside our bed and told her that if she was scared IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (11:00 was not acceptable) she could come in and lay beside our bed. Her issues have gotten much better. I don't know if that's the best advice, but that's what we did. I hope you guys can get some much needed rest soon.
Also, we've never had that issue (monsters), but I agree with kurt b. and have heard of people who have "played along", addressing their kids' fears and it worked! Hope that helps!

MereMoore said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MereMoore said...

oh leslie that made me tired! i am so sorry! i remember that episode with Super Nanny and it totally worked-I think Shanta is on to something-oh and-you have to have K start calling you "Mum"!! Love it!! Miss you!

MDM said...

Wow. That's tough. My friend's 2 year old is doing this too. They set up a "pallet" on the floor by their bed. He spends some time there. 2 years is hard. But, nip it in the bud because my 4 year old insists on falling asleep on the couch. Then, my husband puts her in her bed. She calls out to me EVERY night. I can't believe I just admitted all that. Whoa. This child has had some traumatic experiences that make us let her "walk all over us" in some ways. I am such an enabler. Good Luck!!

Kristen OQ said...

The monster thing got fixed by my sister-in-law with monster "spray"...a spary bottle with a little bit of water in it. We haven't had a monster issue...yet.

As for the getting up thing, being consistent is the best thing I guess (although I am not super good at that when it is 3 am!!). You have gotten some really good ideas and advice though.

Good luck and may sleep come easily for both of you tonight!

Finally an Abrigg..... said...

moppyca.blogspot.com is my new address. :)
Molly

Alyssa said...

Leslie, I am so sorry- I know it is tough for you and for Kaitlyn. I am reading up all of this advice b/c Lauren is about to get moved into her big girl bed, and I am not sure how it will go. All I know is that you are a great mom, and that you already made it through one night. I hope that everything gets better soon for all three of you!

hejlyeah said...

Oh hon - that sounds miserable. I know you can do it!

Amy said...

Huh? Kids don't want to sleep in their beds? I thought they just went to sleep and stayed asleep! Oh man!

Ashley said...

Dude, I will pray for you and your sweet girl. I have no advice. I love you though!!